Log in

11 May 2009 @ 05:38 pm
Things are better today, if only by a little. I had lunch with my brother, and it was very enjoyable. He's been so much nicer to me lately. I think maybe we've both grown up a little. My dad called today during lunch to make sure I was okay. He's sweet like that. My mom is angry with me because I won't watch her favorite show with her and fangirl over it. It's a crappy knock-off of Angel called Moonlight. She's legit mad at me for it. I don't understand why her loves have to be my loves, too. Maybe I don't want to bond over vampires.

I got the first season on Dexter on DVD. God, I love fictional serial killers.

Hm. I decided last night I should at least try to be more open with people. I guess now is as good a time as any to start.

Chelsea, James, Amy, Mc, Jules, & Sid: I love you guys. You've made this year worthwhile for me and I will never, ever forget all the time we've spent together. Thank you for being such amazing, wonderful, intelligent, fun, and creative people. ♥
Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: Dishwalla - Angels or Devils
10 May 2009 @ 11:09 pm
I'm so goddamn sick of feeling like this. I'm sick of wanting nothing more than to not exist. I don't cry. I just cried so much I was retching. I wish it was just self-loathing, I'm accustomed to that. But it's actual despair. I can't even describe it.

There are so many people I love that I know I will never deserve. I'm at peace with that. It's the bouts of utter misery and depression I can't deal with. I have never been in that much pain in my life.

Mom says I can go back to counseling. Dad, bless his heart, wants to know if he can "fix" it. I love them both so much.
Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: bush - out of this world
07 May 2009 @ 12:11 pm


i think i did okay on my finals but right now i mostly don't care. :D
Current Location: my dorm
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
Current Music: Epic Last Song - Does It Offend You, Yeah?
12 April 2009 @ 02:02 am
zoloft isn't working.
Tags: ,
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: imogen heap - the moment i said it
10 April 2009 @ 06:59 pm

from the film marie antoinette. idk why i'm suddenly addicted to it (again). regardless, tell me what you think.

ugh, i have 9284789437 things to do for my parents this weekend. being the only one in the family who knows how to use a comp can be such a burden.
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Adam & The Ants - Kings Of The Wild Frontier
10 April 2009 @ 04:37 pm
What Fictional Character Do You Associate Me With?
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: The Hush Sound - Not Your Concern
05 April 2009 @ 12:57 am

It's been a long fucking time.

Pimping this here because I am way too fucking lazy to find the appropriate communities to post this to.
02 April 2009 @ 03:22 pm
I just challenged my math teacher on a problem. I was right, and he added the full half point to my score. Now I have 100% on that assignment.

...How was almost perfect not good enough? Most neurotic/obsessive person ever y/y?

Brb shooting self.


I've got all of my projects/homework/quizzes out of the way that were bothering me. Well, okay, so I have two tests tomorrow, but it's Japanese and Mythology, my two easiest subjects.

Seriously considering switching my major to Japanese. I'm doing really well in it and it's fun and easy for me to learn. Also my professor and AIs are the sweetest, most patient and wonderful people in the whole world. Shaeffer-sensei owns my heart. I've completed two years in one, so I could potentially take up to five years of college-level Japanese. And I think I will. Doing well in something is such a pick-me-up for me. :D
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy
02 April 2009 @ 01:26 am

- Jiz

P.S. I love you so hard.
31 March 2009 @ 12:38 pm
i poured all this time and energy into this goddamn art project only to get slammed for my composition. she said something about being able to tell that i'd put a lot of effort into it (damn straight i did) but then proceeded to tell me it wasn't really "art."

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed