fucking finally. add me @ fistsandfangs.

because... as much as i didn't want to... I SHIP IT LIKE BURNING. DAMN YOU, kirk_mccoy! DAMN YOU, OBSCENELY TALENTED FIC WRITERS! dfhslkjhfdsjhdsak

matching mood theme thanks to wickedground. :D

omg so tired. i got like, no sleep. have to go to the hosptal for testing. why is my mom playing showtunes at 8 in the morning?

hi james ilu have a good day ♥

SO MUCH PAIN. ASDFGHJKL; YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. EVERY TIME I EAT IT'S LIKE I'M DYING.

anyway. finished the poster for steel magnolias. insomnia ftw.



the lettering is supposed to be spilt nail polish. it's so pink that i kind of have to hate it, but it goes along with the play. sort of. also my composition continues to be fail and i continue to not care. all my college computer art classes taught me is that i'm not an artist.

now i only have 982483846836 other things to do. :D

to-do this summer:

• poster for steel magnolias
  
• program for steel magnolias
  
• blocking for steel magnolias
  
• co-direct/stage manage steel magnolias (fml)
  
• finish registering for classes
  
• get my driver's license before my permit expires
  
• get a part-time job
  
• relearn all the japanese i've already forgotten
  
• see roger for depression, dr. miller for chronic stomach pain
  

uh-oh.

...CAN'T I SLEEP?! more importantly, why can't the rest of the world be nocturnal? seriously, i need to look into a career where i can work nights. maybe i'll become a writer and write exclusively at night. not that i have a talent for writing, mind you. i'm just getting an english degree for reasons unknown to me. no, really. the rest of the world should be up at night and sleep during the day. why the hell does it have to be the other way around? my body thinks that night is when i should be up and active and going places and spending time with people. (mother says it's my fault for not taking my medicine; not so.)

oh i know what i'll do i'll go read my third dexter novel.

in other news this is one of the most beautiful songs i have ever heard:

i feel like i should update. i guess it's an organizational thing for me.

( lol list )

quintum - I got your package today, and you have officially made my day/week/year/LIFE. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK THANK YOU I LOVE YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I SAW THE TWO-FACE COMIC AND FREAKING SQUEE'D IRL. THANK YOU SO SO SOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH!!





♥

Things are better today, if only by a little. I had lunch with my brother, and it was very enjoyable. He's been so much nicer to me lately. I think maybe we've both grown up a little. My dad called today during lunch to make sure I was okay. He's sweet like that. My mom is angry with me because I won't watch her favorite show with her and fangirl over it. It's a crappy knock-off of Angel called Moonlight. She's legit mad at me for it. I don't understand why her loves have to be my loves, too. Maybe I don't want to bond over vampires.

I got the first season on Dexter on DVD. God, I love fictional serial killers.

Hm. I decided last night I should at least try to be more open with people. I guess now is as good a time as any to start.

Chelsea, James, Amy, Mc, Jules, & Sid: I love you guys. You've made this year worthwhile for me and I will never, ever forget all the time we've spent together. Thank you for being such amazing, wonderful, intelligent, fun, and creative people. ♥

I'm so goddamn sick of feeling like this. I'm sick of wanting nothing more than to not exist. I don't cry. I just cried so much I was retching. I wish it was just self-loathing, I'm accustomed to that. But it's actual despair. I can't even describe it.

There are so many people I love that I know I will never deserve. I'm at peace with that. It's the bouts of utter misery and depression I can't deal with. I have never been in that much pain in my life.

Mom says I can go back to counseling. Dad, bless his heart, wants to know if he can "fix" it. I love them both so much.

SCHOOL'S OUT

i think i did okay on my finals but right now i mostly don't care. :D

zoloft isn't working.

ravyn726

from the film marie antoinette. idk why i'm suddenly addicted to it (again). regardless, tell me what you think.

ugh, i have 9284789437 things to do for my parents this weekend. being the only one in the family who knows how to use a comp can be such a burden.

It's been a long fucking time.

Pimping this here because I am way too fucking lazy to find the appropriate communities to post this to.

I just challenged my math teacher on a problem. I was right, and he added the full half point to my score. Now I have 100% on that assignment.

...How was almost perfect not good enough? Most neurotic/obsessive person ever y/y?

Brb shooting self.

ALSO

I've got all of my projects/homework/quizzes out of the way that were bothering me. Well, okay, so I have two tests tomorrow, but it's Japanese and Mythology, my two easiest subjects.

Seriously considering switching my major to Japanese. I'm doing really well in it and it's fun and easy for me to learn. Also my professor and AIs are the sweetest, most patient and wonderful people in the whole world. Shaeffer-sensei owns my heart. I've completed two years in one, so I could potentially take up to five years of college-level Japanese. And I think I will. Doing well in something is such a pick-me-up for me. :D

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY!

- Jiz

P.S. I love you so hard.

i poured all this time and energy into this goddamn art project only to get slammed for my composition. she said something about being able to tell that i'd put a lot of effort into it (damn straight i did) but then proceeded to tell me it wasn't really "art."

wftever.